Dear Pollen,

I hate you. Every year, you come back when the weather is arguably the nicest. Instead of being able to spend time in the great outdoors and enjoy the fresh air, I find myself locked away in my room, fighting the annual battle against a runny nose and a scratchy throat. All I want is to go outside without you assaulting my nose and making me sick, but you seem adamant that it will never happen. You just keep coming back to wreak havoc on my sinuses.

Not only do you cost me my happiness, but you also put quite the dent in my wallet. I have to spend a fortune to stock up on allergy medicine and piles of tissues just to survive the day because of your malicious side effects. I have to take my car to the car wash more in one month than the rest of the year combined to get rid of the yellow film you leave behind. I’m scared to even touch it in fear that you will send me to my death bed. 

I refuse to allow my cause of death to be allergies. 

That’s embarrassing. 

I’m not alone in my anger towards you, either. Around 26% of adults in the United States suffer your wrath (“Pollen Allergies”). For many, it is more than a seasonal cold. You tend to irritate asthmatics, causing shortness of breath, wheezing, and chest pain or tightness, which severely disrupts people’s day to day lives. Some are so allergic to you that they break out in hives when exposed to you. This can put them into anaphylactic shock. For some, you are more than an annoyance, so I guess I should consider myself lucky. 

Until you decide that torturing humans with your sneeziness isn’t fun anymore, I’ll just have to try to avoid you. The internet tells me that I need to find my mom’s ancient air purifier, never open my windows, regularly take allergy medicine, use saline nasal sprays (which I still can’t do without crying), and wear a pollen mask if the count is high. What even is a pollen mask? 

If that sounds like too much work, the best way to keep the allergy attacks at bay is to stay inside in the mornings and on windy days. That is when pollen levels are highest. Pollen sufferers can even try allergy shots. They tend to last up to 5 years. Imagine: 5 whole years free of seasonal sniffles. One can bask in the warmth of spring without sacrificing your ability to breathe. That is my version of a utopia, forget robots and weirdly perfect governments. A society where male trees (which are the main producers of pollen) are banned and everyone can step out into the early spring air and take a deep breath without signing themselves onto weeks of allergenic war almost sounds too good to be true. 

Despite my deep hatred for your side-effects, I do recognize the benefits for the environment you offer. Wildflowers that I admire on the side of the road during long road trips are only possible because of your pollination. In fact, life on this planet depends on your participation in plant’s reproduction cycles. The plants you help grow provide food, oxygen, and clear air. You also allow the bees to produce honey, which I do happen to enjoy. A good honey biscuit might just be worth the scratchy throat. Just imagine a boring, dry biscuit. Blasphemy! As much as I hate to admit it, you play an important role in our planet’s delicate balance. 

For now, I will do everything in my power to avoid your yellow poison. I will simply not allow you to ruin my enjoyment of the beautiful spring weather, so I’ll continue to soldier through your annual torment. Please learn how to make the flowers pretty without me having to hide under my bed to escape a sneeze attack. 

Yours in reluctant coexistence,

Madeleine Knop </3

“Allergies.” WorkSafeBC, 10 Apr. 2024, www.worksafebc.com/en/health-safety/injuries-diseases/allergies. Accessed 18 Apr. 2024. 

“Pollen Allergies.” Better Health Channel, Department of Health & Human Services, 12 Oct. 2015, www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/pollen-allergies#symptoms-of-pollen-allergies. Accessed 18 Apr. 2024. 

“Why Is Pollination Important?” US Forest Service, www.fs.usda.gov/managing-land/wildflowers/pollinators/importance#:~:text=Pollen%2C%20looking%20like%20insignificant%20yellow,seeds%20for%20dispersal%20and%20propagation. Accessed 18 Apr. 2024.